A Letter to My Former Friend

It's been a while. A lot has happened since we last spoke. I remember that call. You were enraged with me. I knew then, in those words, our friendship would be over. I knew it would take a lot for you to forgive me. I knew it would take even more to forgive myself for hurting you. I told you I had no choice. You told me I did. You told me I just needed to talk to you and work it out. My words fell on a drunks ears. So I made a call, one I thought I would regret. I never did. I took the label of being the bad guy and I'd do it again if it meant you got help.

I saw her first steps. Her first birthday. I remember tucking her in at night. I remember rocking her to sleep when she had a bad dream. I saw her holding the cutest little pumpkin in her arms at the pumpkin patch. I watched her grow up. That night, that little girl flashed in my memories. That innocent little one, tears on her face and fear in her eyes begging me to step in. So I did. She regrets it. I still don't. She hates me now. I'm okay with it because I will always love her. I made a call.

I was always the best friend I could be to you. It was hard sometimes to walk away, but I knew our paths would cross again when they needed to. When you needed them to the most. Any time you fell and needed someone to remind you who you are, I'd be there. I'd remind you of your truth. I'd show you the shattered broken pieces the world would leave you in and show you the beauty in every one. I wasn't there when the world broke them. I thought for a while maybe that would have made a difference if i was there. I know you. It would not have mattered. You've always had a heart for adventure, for the fast lane. You loved the thrill of the chase, the biggest explosions. I love that about you. You were like a box of chocolates. Unique, a little nutty, sometimes bitter, but still my favorite person. I made a call. It shook that box and mixed things up. I didn't make the call to hurt you. I made the call to help you. We were past words. You were past hearing anything that you didn't want to hear. You wanted support for the chaos. It wasn't good chaos. It was destructive. You didn't see it but i did and it scared me. That night, before I made the call, that lead me to that call, I watched someone I love, someone worth loving, drown her truth and become someone that terrified me. I watched my friend slip away with every sip and become someone I barely recognized.

I made a call. A call that ended everything between us. I continued to make calls to fight for you. To fight for your children. I made a call that no one else who loves you would do out of fear for losing you and you hating them. I made the call anyway. If you getting help and you seeing your truth meant sacrificing everything we were, I would do it again and again.

We talked once about breaking the generational curse that binds you to the life you had. You told me you had to do better, to be better. You told me that you had to be stronger. You told me you had to do this for your daughters. So they could have better.

I made the call.

I hope for better for you.

I pray for peace in your life and your home. I pray generational curses to be broken. I pray your mind will clear long enough for you to see how beautiful your broken pieces are.

I believe in you. I always have. There has never been any conditions to my love for you. Your flaws were beautiful. The things you wanted to drown out were the things this world needed most. The world needs your broken beautiful pieces. The world needs your crazy. The world needs to know a strength like the one you have. You have walked the pathway to hell and came back on fire. Your survived things you shouldn't have. The world needs your chaos, they need your love for adventure. The world needs you.

Thank you for your friendship. Thank you for everything. Thank you for letting me love your girls. I will always love them. I will always love you. I made the call, and now you know why I had to. I hope for the best, I hope you learned something. I hope one day you let go over the hatred for my choice and are able to see what I tried to do for you. I hope one day you see what I have always seen in you. I hope you find your greatness outside of the bottle. Good bye dear friend. I wish you all the best, but It is time for our paths to go their separate ways and I don't ever see them crossing again. You no longer need me because you are strong enough to go on without me.